Over the holidays I led a women's circle of about ten amazing sisters as part of a solstice retreat weekend. I had been hosting and attending informal circles off and on the last few months in San Diego, but hadn't had the opportunity to lead such a large circle in quite some time. We began with a meditation, and then I lit a candle and burned the tip of a bundle of sage so that we could 'sage' each other into the deeper collective presence of the circle. As we went round the circle, the scent of sage fille the air and the energy and presence in the room dropped deeper and deeper. Through this simple ritual of honoring each other and inviting each other into ceremonial space with the smoke of this plant, something magical happened: we became sisters.
Where moments before many of the women were lost in the comparing mind, as is quite common and deeply natural for our social species, somehow when we come together in circle, we drop into a space that exists below this social comparison. A space where we stop wondering if someone is prettier or smarter or fatter or more messed up than ourselves, and just see each other as sisters. As mirrors. As reflections of the same experience of being human in a woman's body.
As the scent of sage filled my nostrils and the sense of settling began to pervade the room, my own being relaxed, softened, and dropped into a space of love with the same sense of relief I imagine a heroine addict feels when they finally get their fix. Similarly, I crave these moments. These opportunities to drop in together into a space of non-judgement and powerful mutual support. It had been too long since my last good fix. And, I recognize, there are so many women who haven't even experienced this level of sisterhood, support, and trust. But unlike a drug, we all crave it none-the-less, as the craving comes from the depths of our souls.
One by one, we turned to the woman to our right with the burning bundle of sweet leaves, and carefully offered the sacred smoke across a sister's body. Each woman had her own method - some started at the head, circling round, some started at the heart with a cross, some at the feet. All bowed down to anoint the feet of their sister, all allowed themselves to receive this honoring from another woman. And for every woman around the circle for a good ten minutes, all stood silently - watching and holding the sacred space with her own silent presence.
When we finished the sage ritual, we began another simple but powerful and rare rite: the check in. This is simply an opportunity for each woman to take a few minutes to express what's alive for her in her life and in that moment. And as she speaks -- here's the revolutionary part -- no one else chimes in. No one interrupts her to share their own story or similar experience, no one asks her questions in the middle of her share. For a few minutes, she has the silent and undivided attention of an entire circle of women, just listening. Many people have never experienced this quality of being heard in their entire lives. It often results in the speaker actually being able to give a deeper and more honest expression of their experience as well, which only adds to the power of the space these circles hold.
In this circle, one woman expressed a deep well of grief during her check in, and instantly and intuitively the protocol was broken as other women gathered around her to offer a hand, a hug, a tissue, a knowing look of support as she allowed her body to release long held tears for the recent death of a lover. When she was complete, we all went back to our seats in the circle and continued our one-by-one opening shares. Each woman opening doors to her heart and experience that, for me at least, was such a gift of vulnerability and kindredness. No matter what the story, there is always resonance and an opportunity to learn from someone else's experience.
Wisdom runs wild in these circles, leaving us all enriched beyond measure simply by the authenticity and expression of each others' human experience. Every circle is different, both in ritual and in content, but the fundamental magic is the same. We come together as women to honor our sameness, to step into our own power to hold sacred space and receive the gift of such space held for us by others. We find strength, empathy, sisterhood, laughter, tears, and sacredness in this circle. And almost invariably, we leave feeling more fully ourselves than when we came.
It's a simple and ancient practice, and it's all too rare in this modern world. I am passionate about holding the space for women to experience this kind of sisterhood. This winter I will be helping hold space in the Denver, CO area. If you live nearby, please consider joining us. If you find yourself at all intrigued or interested, male or female, please contact me to learn more about finding or starting a circle in your area.
And if you are a man please do not feel left out ;)
Similar treasures can be found in men's circles and I am happy to share resources for you to find them as well.
Aho.
Where moments before many of the women were lost in the comparing mind, as is quite common and deeply natural for our social species, somehow when we come together in circle, we drop into a space that exists below this social comparison. A space where we stop wondering if someone is prettier or smarter or fatter or more messed up than ourselves, and just see each other as sisters. As mirrors. As reflections of the same experience of being human in a woman's body.
As the scent of sage filled my nostrils and the sense of settling began to pervade the room, my own being relaxed, softened, and dropped into a space of love with the same sense of relief I imagine a heroine addict feels when they finally get their fix. Similarly, I crave these moments. These opportunities to drop in together into a space of non-judgement and powerful mutual support. It had been too long since my last good fix. And, I recognize, there are so many women who haven't even experienced this level of sisterhood, support, and trust. But unlike a drug, we all crave it none-the-less, as the craving comes from the depths of our souls.
One by one, we turned to the woman to our right with the burning bundle of sweet leaves, and carefully offered the sacred smoke across a sister's body. Each woman had her own method - some started at the head, circling round, some started at the heart with a cross, some at the feet. All bowed down to anoint the feet of their sister, all allowed themselves to receive this honoring from another woman. And for every woman around the circle for a good ten minutes, all stood silently - watching and holding the sacred space with her own silent presence.
When we finished the sage ritual, we began another simple but powerful and rare rite: the check in. This is simply an opportunity for each woman to take a few minutes to express what's alive for her in her life and in that moment. And as she speaks -- here's the revolutionary part -- no one else chimes in. No one interrupts her to share their own story or similar experience, no one asks her questions in the middle of her share. For a few minutes, she has the silent and undivided attention of an entire circle of women, just listening. Many people have never experienced this quality of being heard in their entire lives. It often results in the speaker actually being able to give a deeper and more honest expression of their experience as well, which only adds to the power of the space these circles hold.
In this circle, one woman expressed a deep well of grief during her check in, and instantly and intuitively the protocol was broken as other women gathered around her to offer a hand, a hug, a tissue, a knowing look of support as she allowed her body to release long held tears for the recent death of a lover. When she was complete, we all went back to our seats in the circle and continued our one-by-one opening shares. Each woman opening doors to her heart and experience that, for me at least, was such a gift of vulnerability and kindredness. No matter what the story, there is always resonance and an opportunity to learn from someone else's experience.
Wisdom runs wild in these circles, leaving us all enriched beyond measure simply by the authenticity and expression of each others' human experience. Every circle is different, both in ritual and in content, but the fundamental magic is the same. We come together as women to honor our sameness, to step into our own power to hold sacred space and receive the gift of such space held for us by others. We find strength, empathy, sisterhood, laughter, tears, and sacredness in this circle. And almost invariably, we leave feeling more fully ourselves than when we came.
It's a simple and ancient practice, and it's all too rare in this modern world. I am passionate about holding the space for women to experience this kind of sisterhood. This winter I will be helping hold space in the Denver, CO area. If you live nearby, please consider joining us. If you find yourself at all intrigued or interested, male or female, please contact me to learn more about finding or starting a circle in your area.
And if you are a man please do not feel left out ;)
Similar treasures can be found in men's circles and I am happy to share resources for you to find them as well.
Aho.